its amazing how one could realize how stupid they have been
and then, at the very next moment
repeat the same mistake
i'm a living example

there's so much things that's on my mind now
that is not easy to explain, even to myself
and there are things whereby you don't even want to explain to yourself
cause you already know the answer to it all.

at times,
i have already walked half the way,
but at the last moment, i had to screw it up
and revert back to what i told myself i would not do
sometimes, i wish life was like a sport
i could push myself to finish 10km, and i would
i could push myself to swim a 100 laps, and i would
but such things are most of the time, short term

when it comes to things that have to last some time,

i just can't seem to get it right

the price of one's folly can get overwhelming

i guess its time that i stop being naive and start to see the world for what it really is, for the sake of not falling again. sometimes, i sugarcoat the truth.sure, i do.

nostalgia comes back to haunt me, and i start thinking where i would be, how i would actually turn out if i had gone another school, had led another life.even as i look back now, i realized that i have wasted too much time on things that i have once considered important.on attire, on hairstyle, appearances, what people thought of me,kind of includes everything superficial. i don't want to grow up and look back and start regretting as i am now for the past few years. i want to grow up, look back and be proud of the meaningful life that i had led.

i guess people can't help being superficial, i sure am superficial at times too. i guess it is just human nature. but i can't help wondering that everyone would be so much more relaxed had the human race been less superficial. Girls wouldn't become anorexic or bulimic for their appearances. There wouldn't be outcasts or social pariahs, hence no such Columbine High School Shooting or University of Texas Massacre. There wouldn't be so much of the pressure of fitting into the crowd-after's all everyone is viewing each other as their equal.There wouldn't be the suffering and self humiliation as people try to grope blindly for popularity.

i want to be less superficial and start seeing things for what it really is. Its time i did that.