Your's Truly
Huiwen:D River Valley High
Pei Hwa Presbyterian Primary
3C'09, 2i'08
and i like cheerful and happy people:D
Mr. Chatterbox
Huiwen:D The Life of a Corn
I have got no idea why I am born as a corn. No, rightfully, I am a corn kernel but I would rather be recognized as a corn, a corn kernel seems too insignificant for me to be in a world of such great vastness. I wished I had stepped into this life as something else, something bigger, something more in control of one’s life-perhaps an elephant, preferably a human. But no, I’m stuck here in this plantation, suffocated and cramped by all my brothers and sisters surrounding me. It seems like God has made a mistake in making me a corn kernel, no, correction: a corn. I don’t blame him though. He must have been too busy answering the overwhelming great number of silly prayers asking for a new iPod, a new cell phone et cetera that God must have overlooked the fact that my ingenuity is not suitable for a mere corn kernel life that I am stuck with. After all, to be humble, I am considerably intelligent, perhaps even more intelligent than the average human bean (I’ve got no idea why they name people as human beans, humans sure do not look like beans.)
One sweltering hot morning, I could feel myself ripening under the heat. I was just day-dreaming how it would be like if I was born a man (well, I sure wouldn’t mind being a female). I would never waste my time swooning over Zac Efron or Brad Pitt. Let’s see, I would be an achiever like Thomas Edison or Albert Einstein, minus the unfashionable hairstyles though (*snickers*). I sighed inwardly. I would have to wait a lifetime before I could be reincarnated after all. To add on, there is a probability of 23.987654321% that God might once again be burdened by the superfluous problems of teenagers with acne that he might once again overlook the latent talent in me.
Suddenly, I could feel my neighbours cry out, with baby Jessie wailing for she was rudely awoken by the abrupt jostling movement. I glanced up and saw two human figures, a giggling teenage couple, emerging from among the stalks. Then, my world swam before my very own eyes as I started to sway to the right and then to the left. Boy, I sure felt nauseous. Couldn’t these inconsiderate human beings spare a thought for us corns?
It was then that the conversation was initiated and I started eavesdropping. Hey, don’t look at me with your eyebrows raised like that. They don’t call us ears of corn for nothing, you know.
“-giggle, giggle- stop it. What if someone sees us? I don’t want to get into trouble.-giggles- Stop it John. Ha-ha, stop it.-giggle-”.
“No worries, Rose. No one’s going to see us, honey.”
There again. The couple back to make out in the fields-how cliché? Weren’t they actually supposed to have brains> Couldn’t they think of something more romantic to do? Then again, I’ve got to excuse them. After all, didn’t they think that there was no one around them to see them making out? They have forgotten about us corns. Humans have always been so ignorant that they have took for granted that crops could not see. What humans could not see with their naked eye, they deemed as non-existent. If only they had bothered to stick one of us corn under the microscope would they see a pair of eyes staring blankly back at them. Already, I could see and hear Mama corn sticking her hands over Baby Jessie’s eyes and murmuring “Jessie , don’t you dare look.” and Jessie replying in that pipsqueak voice of hers, “Why?”.
“John? John, have you harvested the corn? We need to sell them at the market today. John, where are you?” a voice called out from nearby.
“Rose, you better go!”
“Yeah mom, I’m coming!”
“Ha-ha,” I snicker. It was so common for parents to coincidentally call for their kids when their kids are up to no good. I have a hypothesis that human parents have invisible feelers stuck to their heads, just to sense if their children are getting into something that they were not supposed to do. When I become a human, I would prove this hypothesis right and turn it into a fact. Then, I would gain world fame. I could just picture my portraits or photographs in magazines and books with the name Corn Edison or Corn Fleming. I was still in the midst of my daydream when my siblings and I were so rudely yanked away from our neighbours. The spinning started again, this time in 360 degrees, before I landed with a thump at the bottom of a sack, its coarse rough material scratching against my smooth skin.
A commotion arose as our neighbours were thrown into the sack after us.
“Ouch! Quit shoving!”
“Oof! You’re heavy!”
I, of course, took the opportunity to shift myself to the little hole at the base of the sack which I spotted. Shuffle, squeeze, shuffle, ah! There I was now, with a perfect view of what was going on in the outside world. The greenery was flashing past me quickly. Was I in a car? Was this how it felt like to be in a car> I got hairy thrilled until I looked down and saw two hairy trunk-like legs staring back at me as the sack bounced against them with each jaunty step. I guess I never would want to get lost in this “maze”, what if I got on and could never come back out? Just the very thought put me in a shudder.
The hairy legs stopped. Bulging muscles beneath the hair heaved and then the juice started to rush to my head as the sack was flipped over onto the plank. Then, a slam resonated through the air and the sack juddered. Then, the scenery started to flash past again, this time much faster. I strained and peered sideways. There now, a metal plank faced me. Indeed, I was in a vehicle. The very thought exhilarated me. I was moving at 60km/h for the very first time in my life. The wind blew against my face, cool and refreshing. If only I had legs and could run like the wind. Exhilarating!
Bump! An abrupt stop. I was rudely thrown against my side. The jolt was simply so nerve-wrecking that I could feel my teeth chattering against each other. I was just calming my rapidly pounding heart when fee fi fo fum, I saw Hairy Legs again. He reached over and phooey, the stench of his sweat permeated my nostrils, practically stifling me. The next thing I knew, the twin trunks of legs were striding. But now, there was much more to see. No more corn fields, no more metal planks, but the hustle and bustle of the city throbbing with vivacity and teeming with life. Peering out of my little peephole again, I saw more than I could ever dream of. There were clothes of all kinds: plaited shirts like that of Hairy Legs, simple sundresses decorated with sunflowers, tight shorts clinging to the saggy bums of haggling old ladies etc. Shoes came in all shapes and sizes too: sneakers, beach slippers, Scholl sandals, working boots and the new type I have never seen before. They seem to entwine their vines around legs and just can’t seem to stop their incessant clacking as they slapped against the ground with each step. I guess the ground must probably be feeling quite a lot of pain.
“For sale! Red, juicy tomatoes for sale! Buy two get one free! Come and get them quick!”
“Freshly baked bread for sale. Parmeson, Italian and French loaves are all available here!”
Hawkers clamoured loudly, each trying to overwhelm the noise of the background. Servants were bargaining for lower prices-no doubt they were with tight purse strings. The children wailed as they tugged on the long skirts of their mother as they badgered for sweets. Mothers fiercely brushed the grubby hands of their children off as they stooped over to inspect the wares and goods. The commotion merged to form an incessant drone by my ear, just like a pesky bee buzzing. I was just settling myself down comfortably to enjoy the sights of what humans dubbed as the “Market Day” when bright sunlight shone onto me, warming my taut skin.
I flinched at the sudden change in the lighting for I was lying atop of the rest of my relatives, seeing that I was previously at the bottom of the sack. I turned my head, only to see Hairy Legs dumping the sack by the side of the pavement.
“Looks like he got hairy arms too” I murmured to myself.
Sure, I knew it was mean and ungrateful for me to bit the hand that raised me (or in this case, the hand that had planted me). But hey, I was merely stating the truth. After all, no one can fault me for being a truthful corn kernel, can they? To add on, I am still angry with him for exposing us corns like that, for the passerby to gawp at or fondle with. By golly, I sure do feel naked without my husk, in the glare of the afternoon sun. Does he really have no respect for us corns that he thinks its no big deal for us to be treated like prostitutes in a brothel house? We might be mere corn, chewed, digested and passed out as brown defecation into the toilet bowl, but we do have integrity too!
Clammy, fleshy palms lifted my siblings and I up, the cold disgusting sweat tickling my skin as it cut off my oxygen supply. Breathless, I started to choke as my asthma acted up. The next thing I knew, a red volcano stared back at me, its yellow magma threatening to spill over at any moment with the slightest tweak. After all, what that prevented the spillage was naught but a thin layer of skin. Then, the camera lens zoomed out and now I could see two black irises checking me out, turning us around, probably to check out for any flaws before she “harrumped” and “hawed”, eventually clacking her teeth in approval. Her teeth was missing in some areas, such that when she smiled, I could practically see her tongue.
“One-fifty, is it?” she opened her mouth.
A horrid pungent smell hit me smack in the face. In a fit of sheer bravery unexpected of a corn kernel, I opened my eyes to look for the source of the stench. Haha! Mr. Detective Corn!
Her tonsils dangled right in front of my face as saliva flew out in specks, landing on a couple of my unfortunate siblings, who groaned in disgust. Boy was I glad I was not inflicted by the stomach-upending saliva.
“Yes, ma’am! Our corns are the best around here!”
“Aye, that I can see,”
“So are you going to buy them?”
What came next grossed me out so much that I cannot imagine describing it. But for the sake of you, my devoted readers, I shall swallow the fast uprising bile in my throat and rattle through this as quickly as I can.
So the customer batted her eyelashes as if her life depended on it, stick out her heaving bosom and drawled, “Oh honey, you are such a sweetie. How about one-ten?”
Hairy Legs blinked, apparently stunned and embarrassed by this public display of flirtation. Aye, I felt a tinge of pity for him. Here was a lady possibly old enough to be his mother and yet, still flirting with him. What’s more, when it came to flirting, she was an epic failure. Her eyes look more like they had dirt stuck in them and she was trying to get it out by her desperate fluttering of her eyelashes. Furthermore, damp patches had encircled the shirt under her armpits, a certain turnoff. At this, a guffaw escaped my lips.
Both Hairy Legs and the customer looked up, a puzzled look passing between them. They sure seem startled that laughter was coming from a corn, a supposedly mild and lifeless thing. Then, two pairs of eyes stared at me, shock evidently registered on their stunned faces.
And my heart went into a standstill, my blood frozen cold.
Then, an awkward laughter escaped from their lips, an evident sign that they had dismissed the random laughter as part of their imaginations run wild. Oh how silly they were, but I sure was relieved.
“Oh, you fool! You could have gotten us into trouble. If humans had known we could think and act like them, they will make us their slaves in a blink of an eye.” Corn Nathanael hissed into my ear.
“I’m sorry, I could not help it!” I giggled back.
Money changed hands. I was then thrown into the sack again. This time though, sad to say, the impact knocked me unconscious. The last thing I remembered seeing was a green object with a weird puffy hairdo who introduced himself, in a cheery voice as broccoli.
…
A warm bath surrounded me. Ah, so relaxing, In my mind’s eyes, I pictured birds cooing in the azure blue sky, mating. The dews caught the sunlight, spreading forth a myriad of splendid colours. The water was calming, comforting. Was this what humans called the hot spring, indulging in the peaceful comforting warmness? But this was not to be. For the very next moment, when I opened my sleepy eyes, I saw that I was fenced in by ominous metal walls. The fun was gone; the heat was slowly creeping up on me, starting to burn into my skin.
It started to get immensely painful, and I of course, started to get desperate (I’m not the panicky sort though!). Ahhhhh! My skin is ripping apart. Throwing myself desperately against the wall in desperate pleas, the only reward I gotten was only to be scalded and reprimanded by my siblings. Then, I reminded myself a quick death would mean I would become Corn Edison more quickly, so I grinned. However, I could see beads of sweats dotting the foreheads on my siblings, their brows set into a grim line. Without a single word of communication, I knew what was on their mind: the impending death. Sure, that had to be it. After all, they loved their life as corn kernels and shared no aspirations as me to die a quick death and reincarnate as humans.
Yet, much to my disappointment, but much to their glee, the heroic ladle swooped in and scooped us out of the hot spring, dumping us unceremoniously into a beautifully engraved plate. We were followed by parts of Mr. Broccoli, but now he didn’t look all so jolly. I could sympathize with him though. I guess I would be just as upset if one day someone would hack me up into little pieces and there was no way that I myself could piece myself together again.
“Dinner’s ready!” A gentle voice reverberated.
I looked up into the kindly face of a middle aged woman, her face marred with a few wrinkles left behind by age. Yet, the twinkle in her eyes was unmistakable, an optimistic person she was. Everything about her seems to holler “I’m a nice person,” or at least I thought so.
The cutlery clattered against the glass table as the plates will set down by bustling women in tight aprons. A family of four, well-dressed in finery, was seated at the table. It was evident who were in the upper ranks of society. Yet, for all their class and riches, they wore grim looks of displeasure.
As the dish of us broccoli and corn was set onto the table, the looks of displeasure simultaneously deepened on all four faces. And with that, a loud bark sounded out.
“Madam MacDoughie! What is this about? How could you expect us to eat such a lowly dish meant for only commoners like you. Take it away!”
I was stunned into silence which particular dish was she talking about. There were so many dishes here that I was practically goggling at the wide variety of food humans can consume. Crabs garnished with parmesan cheese and topped with red chili sauce, caviar served with quail eggs, asparagus stir-fried with large juicy prawns and the list went on and on. To think that we corns only have starch and maybe the occasional chicken feces to feed on. How outrageous1
The kind-looking lady in apron came back, but this time she looked flustered. A deep red blush crept across his cheeks, as if someone has slapped her right across the face. Her trembling fingers descended and clamped around our plate. Realization dawned. So it had been us corn and Mr. Broccoli that she had deemed as lowly! At that, I could not help but quiver in anger, grinding my teeth together. So what if she thought we were naught but lowly food not good enough to be eaten by the haughty missy? It was more like we were too good to enter her foul mouth.
Our dish was set back down on the sparkling kitchen counter. Being as forward-looking as any corn could be, I started contemplating what was to become of me, since there was no imminent chance that I would be incarnating in the near future. Lost in my thoughts, I had failed to notice that our plate was once again lifted by the kind lady, heading down towards the living quarters.
“Hey diddle deedle, the cat and the fiddle, …OOOOO I NEED TO PIDDLE…hahah.. the cow jumped over the moon The little dog laughed to see such fun and the dish ran….”a high pitched voice reverberated, harsh to the listener’s ears.
We were just outside the ornate door when a loud “pffffftttt” resounded followed by a resonating belch. A giggle escaped from Madam MacDoughie’s mouth, her eyes once again twinkling merrily. Oh, I could see why she was laughing. Here, the high and mighty lady of the majestic house, who snubbed both people and food, who thought she was superior to other human beings, too farted and belched just like any other commoner, perhaps even more rudely so.
An inward draw of breath as the door flung open, to reveal the disheveled lady of the house. Upon seeing that it was her servant a deep flush crept up her neck and mortification was evident on her face.
“Erm, I was…ehh…just…er,”
Then embarrassment wilted and sheer anger took over,, a shield against further humiliation. The high-handed personality was back.
“Who said you can venture into the living quarters?”
“Erm, my lady, could I bring this dish of corn and broccoli back home for my son?”
“Ha! Do whatever you like with it! After all, this lowly dish is suitable for lowly people like you!” and with a haughty sniff, the door slammed shut. But this time round, it was silent. No more nursery rhymes, it was unearthly silent…
…
“Theodore, I’m home!”
A child rushed out of the open door of the squat, dank apartment, a far cry from the house I was previously at. Theodore opened his arms wide, ready to embrace his mother.
”There’s corn and broccoli for dinner!”
Upon hearing that, the child’s face lit up, just like the lights on the Christmas trees. The twinkle in his eyes was obvious, astonishingly similar to that of his mother. A smile played on his lips, showing off the missing two front teeth. His small palms grappled at the corn, my siblings and I, and sank his teeth into it. As his incisors chomped down, like blades slicing through the air. I closed my eyes, preparing myself for death. The last thought I had was weird. I no longer thought it was important to become Corn Edison when I reincarnate as a person. What matters most is that I must live as a contented person. Only then will I be happy.
Goodbye, my siblings.